I can't describe it

It's hard for me to wrap my head around the whole thing. Why did he agree to it? Why didn't anybody see how much pain he was in? It could have been avoided and he could have stayed around to reap the benefits. You can see why it killed him. That's the scary part. You can see why it killed him... and you can see how it would have done the same to you. You can also begin to realize how... capable you could be of being that guy. Unable to shake the giggles. How many dark places do we have in our souls that we refuse to admit to or share with each other? I haven't ever been good at hiding... I am terrified to know that I would be capable. I'm not fearsome or intimidating, but I'm more than able to be so if it suits me. How much farther could I take it? Do you think he thought those kinds of things? You know that people like him exist.. we see it on the news all the time. Maybe not on as large a scale or all at once, but we're surrounded by it. In a way, they rule us. How is it possible to escape when you're plagued? And we're all plagued. He was plagued. He found his escape..... and they still won. We all have that darkness inside. It doesn't always win, but it's frightening to know it could have that power... And what if you gave in to that power? It could be sweet, you know. To drop the reigns and go off course... A certain kind of freedom. So much anger... released. At last. What keeps us from letting go? What's stopping me? There's light too, I guess. They possess each other, the dark and the light. And all of a sudden, I'm brought to a cliche... and I have realized the depths of my soul is all but shrouded in.. in never ending shades of... gray.. What about you?